It is with the saddest heart that I must pass on the following news.
Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment
community.
The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and
complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71. Doughboy was
buried in a lightly greased coffin.
Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs.
Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the
Hostess Twinkies and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with
flours.
Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a
man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in
show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers.
He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on
half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he still, as
a crusty old man, was considered a roll model for millions.
Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough; two children John Dough
and Jane Dough; plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by
his elderly father Pop Tart.
The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.